Friday, May 23, 2008


Because this summer is dedicated to the exciting task of studying for and taking the bar exam, I will not be able to take myself away from the fun long enough post here. Since I don't post terribly regularly anyway, this likely won't be a significant difference.

See you in August.

Friday, May 16, 2008


It's strange, I think that I have come to terms with my homosexuality personally. I may not be ready to tell some people, but I have accepted that I like men. Nonetheless, every so often I catch myself thinking about being married to a woman. Part of me rather misses the idea of having the picture perfect suburban life.

I know I can still find a partner, move to an upper middle class suburb, adopt a couple kids and have an enjoyable and satisfying life. Perhaps it's an internalized prejudice, but secretly it feels like a consolation prize. Maybe that's why I am not gung ho about my current relationship (I'm going to break it off, though I may pin the blame on graduation and "going in different directions" blah blah blah).

Occasionally I'll see a woman I think would make a "good wife." She's lovely (but not model beautiful), Southern (not redneck) in dress and manners, with an upbeat personality and a wry, sometimes sarcastic sense of humor. Indeed, I had just the girl picked out in undergrad. She was all those things plus my best friend. Add a cock and she'd have been perfect.

I wonder if these hang-ups come from being closeted to my family. Perhaps when I'm out to them, I'll be more comfortable. Even so, life would be a lot easier if I were straight.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

On a personal note

I think I am going to take a break from slaughtering manatees, shooting homeless people, and other traditional Republican recreations and talk a little bit about my personal life.

I am only a short way from graduation, and at school I have gone from being deeply in the closet to being out at school. Indeed, straight people now ask me questions as though I some kind of ambassador from the gays (I know, I wouldn't have chosen me to be the gay ambassador either!). Somehow when people find out you are gay, you become everyone's shopping consultant--though honestly I am hard pressed to think of anything less consequential to my life than women's fashion. Nonetheless I do my best to help my friends. Don't worry, boys, I am not sharing any real secrets with breeders; that thing we do with rabbit fur and coke bottles will stay within the community.

I am still not out to anyone in my family. My mom has very obviously given me opportunities to come out, but I am not going to come out to her out of exasperation over the phone. Further, graduation doesn't seem like an appropriate time, basically because the whole family will be here and I see no reason to come out to my grandparents at all. So for the near future, that is probably not going to change.

I am still dating someone, although I feel like I am merely going through the motions (enjoyable as those motions may be). I'm not terribly emotionally invested. Whether it's because I am still uncomfortable with being gay and dating a boy, or I actually am just not that in to him, I leave to only God to know for sure.

Within a month I will be moving to a brand new city--an actual city!!!--to study for the bar and eventually begin my career. It's strange, I still feel too young for this. People's dads are lawyers, not people my age. Naturally I'm nervous, but I'm also excited.

I've been drinking less. I found that I was a bored drinker, and that just seems dangerous. I'm not going completely abstinent, but I am just being careful to be a more moderate consumer of alcohol.

So that's just a little of going on with me that doesn't involve words like "entitlement" or "energy policy" or people I don't know personally but still have strong opinions about.