Friday, April 6, 2007


I am in my third month of blogging about being a gay man and have yet to discuss sexual activity. This may seem odd to some, disappointing to others, but I have three reasons why I have decided not to discuss sex with any particularity on this blog, and I thought it fair to disclose them.

1) It's not really what the blog is supposed to be about. Certainly blogging about being gay necessarily implicates sex; however, I don't blog about just being gay. I blog about coming out, and how my sexual orientation does or does not inform my politics. The difference is this: I started this blog as something of a therapeutic exercise to help me deal with coming out, and as I explained initially, with the disconnect in the minds of many of being gay and a member of the Republican party. I made the decision, I am sure at the expense of traffic, that I don't really need to titillate. Also, I don't want to alienate with gay porn those straight friends of mine whom I have shown the blog.

2) Less self-righteously, I'm still pretty prudish. I did grow up in a conservative southern family, which is a large part of what makes coming out to my family especially difficult. We didn't discuss sex much in my family; my birds and the bees talk was less a talk and more an "important trip to the library." Similarly, I went to an evangelical Christian high school (think: the movie Saved!). My abstinence-only Sex Ed primarily consisted of "If you have sex with more than one person you will get herpes. If that one person is the same gender as you are, you will get AIDS. And then you will go to Hell." As you can imagine, in this environment I became incredibly repressed. Nick once introduced me as "the most sexually repressed person you will ever meet." Even if I were straight I'd be a prude, but as homosexual it was even worse. Coming to terms with my sexuality is hard enough, and I certainly cannot undo the years of repression and prudishness overnight. I'm still afraid of herpes and AIDS.

3) I don't have a lot of opportunity. I live in a small college town with almost no gay population to speak of. Although I have lost both my straight and gay virginities, my experiences since those times have been limited. I suppose I could make stories up, but I'll bet people could tell, and again it's not what this blog is really about.

For those of you reading this post in great disappointment, I offer this small consolation: this policy is subject to change and indeed the circumstances behind reasons 2 and 3 are likely to change with time. For those of you who wish this blog to maintain its current policy, I offer this assurance: Even if I were to start discussing sex, I would not be explicit for the sake of gay readers; there are plenty of alternative sources for porn.


Jason said...

Yeah... no one should have to feel like they have to talk about sex. And the whole if gay even more so must talk about sex thing is stupid and just perpetuates the rumor that all gay men are raging sexaholics.

I know personally I talk about my sexuality because I talk about everything... I just don't have much to talk about usually. But unless you enjoy talking about that part of yourself... you should never feel you have to... people are a lot more than just their sexuality.

hydralisk said...

You can post about whatever you like on your blog. But never forget that the content determines the quality of people you will attract (and the quality of people you won't).