Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Back and better than ever!

Or at least just back :)

I had a great time on my trip, and it made me decide that one day I want a lake house. And a baby (there was this adorable 7 month old on my trip with me!). I will have neither any time soon.

That's the good part; now the less comfortable part. I was with some friends from college, none of whom I have told I'm gay. At one point joking around with one of my friends, I made a lewd reference. And his reaction was mock disgust, and I, playing along, asked innocently "cross a line?" I suppose just to assure me that his reaction was in jest he said "there are no lines between us." Except he's wrong. He may not know it (maybe he does--people are never very surprised when I come out to them), but I am keeping something huge from him and the others on the trip (hmm, putting it that way sounds a little risque).

It reminded me that being secretive and in the closet feels really dishonest. Of course instead of using the moment or the weekend to be honest, I chickened out and just forced myself not to think about the whole matter. I made a mental note to bring it up on the blog and otherwise just put it out of my mind. The closet makes you good at that.

It also reminded me that being out this summer is still an experiment. It's going well, but I still have a lot of work to do. That's what it feels like: work. I'm still not quite ready to roll up my sleeves.

Anyway, folks, I'm ready to discuss health care with you again. Bring it on! :)

1 comment:

Andronicus said...

I hope Americare (my name for our inevitable plan) includes free coming out counseling for those who want it!

Anyhow, welcome back.