Sunday, May 13, 2007

I sometimes worry

I worry that my blog gives the impression i am making bigger strides than I actually am. Indeed I am making progress, but in real life I am still very shy about these issues and emotionally guarded. I'm not as closeted as I was even last semester, but I am not on the verge of being "out and proud" either.

It's nice to have some very close friends who support me, not to mention the online support I have found through this blog. Yet, when I showed my blog to my therapist she commented "It seems like you are more open online than you are in here" and she is right. In fact, I am most open to her (she was the first person I came out to face to face), but I am not as open to her as I am here. I suppose the anonymity (or illusion thereof) of the internet is enough protection to keep me from feeling as though I am "exposing vulnerability."

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

I enjoy you blog. Our political and religious thinking run along the same line and so does our sexual orientation. Does your therapist help? I am a much older gay who is struggling...big time struggling. Observing a young gay friend having major religious gay issues with his family makes it hard for me to move forward. Keep up the great blog...don't change your beliefs, morals, etc. because you are gay. Do you believe that God is blessing you even though you are gay? There are so many gays who have given up on God.

Michael in Norfolk said...

Pink,

It's easier to be open online, especially if your name is not posted on the blog. It does take time to fully open to a therapist face to face, or so has been my experience. Eventually, if the two of you work well together, it will become easier and easier. I have been seeing my therapist for several years and believe me, I don't hold back.

As for anonymous' question, I do believe that God has blessed me with my sexual orientation - it just took me a long, long time to get to that realization and to stop trying to be what everyone else wanted me to be rather than just be me as God made me.